No one knows what lies ahead of them

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I’m in Québec City visiting family and it feels wonderful to be here. It always gives me perspective to see where I’m from, and how little I need to be happy and raise a family. For those that don’t know, I grew up in a trailer park with my mother and brother. My mother still lives in the trailer I grew up in, and I love coming back here. I was, and always am, happy and loved here.

I was supposed to be on tour with Camille Haring, but fell ill and decided some R&R with family would be a much better and healthier use of my time. Unfortunately there’s nothing I can take to alleviate the symptoms I’m experiencing, because of the pregnancy. Most over-the-counter cold medications cross through to the placenta (my child’s lunch box, as I like to call it). Oh well, it seems like a very small price to pay to keep the little one safe, healthy, and well. I can’t wait to meet my child, and see what kind of temperament and personality they’ll have.

I’m excited to head east on Monday, and go to Halifax and St-John’s. It’s been a long time, and there’s something really cold (physically) and soothing about being in Eastern Canada. I want to spend time in coffee shops reading books, eating yummy seafood, and walking around. I may try to find some pre-natal yoga classes to attend too, or see if there’s a pool with aqua fit classes. I would like to do some writing and journalling, too. I love my Bullet Journal!

I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do after my child is born. I’m taking a full year of leave, but what about afterward? Currently I run my own communications business and I also have a side gig as an escort. Neither of these jobs offer any benefits. I had to save to pay for my own maternity leave, and sex work was a HUGE part of putting enough money aside to buy a house and pay for my year off.

Do I want a comfortable job with benefits? Do I want to be underpaid in an NGO? Do I want a job that requires me to travel a lot (like my current comms work)? Do I want to continue carving my own path via my communications business? Do I want to pursue another degree? I’ve been thinking of pursuing a PhD so I can spend more time at home but still be ‘productive’, working towards something.

I’m 29-years-old, and by the time my child is a year old, I’ll be 30. I don’t feel pressure to ‘figure it out.’ Everything I’ve done in my life so far has led me to where I am. My career started years ago, after my undergraduate degree when I started doing contract work in the not-for-profit sector. One thing just led to another which led to another. For folks of my generation, our careers take many turns. There’s no straight line towards whatever our careers are supposed to be. I live by my own compass.

Regardless, I have so many skills I can rely on to get me through whatever hardships lie ahead for me and my child. I’m confident I will succeed, no matter what I do.

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